


Make Me Believe It

by kmsmitty



Series: We Are One [2]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2020-08-19 10:14:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20208061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kmsmitty/pseuds/kmsmitty
Summary: Their love has lasted a decade. High school. College. Careers. Living together. But something feels off. It's not enough anymore. Can a dance class fix things? Or will it ruin their lives?





	1. Who Needs Sunshine?

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second installment of my series "We Are One," where the members of Exo are all connected in some way. Here we have the story of Kyungsoo and Chanyeol, and how a dancer named Jongin will change everything. Comments and kudos are always appreciated. Hope you enjoy.

"Soo. Please. I'm so not in the mood."

Kyungsoo had been trying, unsuccessfully, for the better part of an hour, to get his boyfriend's attention. He wasn't sure when it started happening. Things didn't always used to be like this. There were years where friends refused to go out in public with them, their PDA either too sickeningly sweet, or unabashedly perverse, to deal with.

But then it just...stopped.

"Come on, Yeol. At least cuddle with me."

Chanyeol sighed, removing his remaining ear bud from his left ear.

"I have a deadline. These articles don't proofread themselves."

Kyungsoo pouted, his full lips in a frown.

"You used to wake up the morning of and edit. Said it was your best work when you were frazzled."

"Yeah, well, that was when I was 20, stupid, and a nobody. I'm 26, Soo. I'm up for lead editor. We have bills to pay. I can't fuck around anymore."

Kyungsoo muttered, "Tell me about it," under his breath as he walked away.

Chanyeol didn't even look up, relieved that Kyungsoo had terminated the conversation. He didn't have time for any added stress.

~

Kyungsoo awoke to Chanyeol sliding under the covers at 3am. Which was pointless, given that he needed to be at the office at 5am to finish up last minute changes to next month's journal with the rest of his team.

Chanyeol wrapped his arms around the smaller man, feeling exhaustion wash over him. Kyungsoo turned in his hold.

"What happened to us?"

Chanyeol began to snore, pretending to be asleep. Kyungsoo flipped back over, tears dampening the pillow beneath his head.

~

Chanyeol woke up an hour later to his alarm, and an empty bed. The light was on in the bathroom, water running. It wasn't often that Kyungsoo was up before him. He was briefly annoyed that his boyfriend was in the shower, since he needed to get ready for work. But then he realized something: Kyungsoo was doing this on purpose.

The older man debated not getting ready at all, just getting up and going to work. He wasn't sure what had happened, but something wasn't right anymore. Kyungsoo had been, and still was, the love of his life for almost 10 years now. But, it didn't feel the same. And rather than admit it, or talk it out, he pretended it wasn't there, or actively ignored it. Whichever was easier.

Just then, Chanyeol heard a loud sniff echo off the tile. Kyungsoo was crying. His heart tugged him toward the bathroom. Slowly opening the door, he saw the younger man crumpled on the floor of their shower, water raining down on his head.

Kyungsoo looked up as Chanyeol entered the shower, still in his sleep pants, and knelt down in front of him, blocking the spray.

"You don't love me anymore."

"Soo, that's not true."

"Make me believe it."

~

A few days later, Kyungsoo found himself at the newsstand across the street from his favorite coffee shop. He pulled out the couple thousand won he knew the medical journal would cost, as he did around this time each month, to support Chanyeol's efforts.

Crossing the street, Kyungsoo began flicking through the pages, looking for articles that held his boyfriend's name in the notes. He found it in the bottom left corner of an article about a new research venture being conducted by a Dr. Kim Junmyeon. As he skimmed through the exposé, he ran across an ad for a dance studio.

"Kim Jongin and Zhang Yixing lead various classes, including hip hop, lyrical, contemporary, as well as ballet, tap, jazz, and all the ballroom favorites."

Kyungsoo stuffed the journal into his coat pocket. This was it.

~

Kyungsoo was waiting at the kitchen table for Chanyeol when he arrived home from work.

"I figured it out."

Chanyeol's eyebrows furrowed together, as he removed his scarf and coat.

"I don't follow you."

"Exactly. But that's not the point. Well, it kind of is. Anyway, look."

Kyungsoo slid the medical journal across the table toward the older man. Chanyeol smiled. It still gave him butterflies that Kyungsoo would run out first thing on publishing day and buy a copy.

"Yeah, I really think that doctor is going to change the way we all sleep. I think he's brilliant."

"I'm sure he is, but you're a page off. Flip over to the other side."

"It's an ad?"

"It's the way you're going to make me believe you."

"By dancing? Soo. Really? No."

Chanyeol had never liked dancing. His limbs were so long, he lacked any coordination. He got hurt just walking sometimes. This was not happening.

"You don't dance, either. I don't get it."

"That's why it's perfect. It's something neither of us excels at. It's something we can work on together. And it's physical..."

Chanyeol looked up from the page he was staring at.

"Yeol, you haven't tried to touch me in eight months. We could use some physicality."

"It has not been eight months."

"You're right. It's been eight months, 17 days. I was trying to be nice."

Chanyeol flinched. Had it really been that long?

"Not since Minho got promoted. And only because we were both drunk."

If he was being honest, Chanyeol didn't remember much from that night, which meant, in his mind, it had actually been longer.

"You really think this will work?"

"We won't know if we don't try."

~

"Is that what you're wearing?"

Kyungsoo looked down at himself.

"Um, yes? I've been watching choreography videos. This is what the kids wear."

Chanyeol chuckled as he looked at his boyfriend. Kyungsoo was normally very stylish. Sweaters, cardigans, dress slacks, loafers, hair gelled, glasses on. But here he was, hair a mess, contacts in, an oversized sweatshirt, that almost completely covered his shorts, and ratty tennis shoes.

"If I didn't know better, I would think you had nothing on under that hoodie."

"Oh, and what would you do? Flip it up and bend me over? As if you've ever been the top in this relationship?"

Chanyeol's ears flushed pink in an instant.

"I just. Oh, never mind."

Chanyeol gestured toward the door, following Kyungsoo out and locking up behind him.

~

Their first lesson wasn't actually a lesson at all. It was an open house for newcomers, so they could see which style of dance interested them most. The vast majority were younger kids, just starting out, but there were a few dancers around their age, and one couple in their 50s. No doubt trying to rekindle their spark, too. Kyungsoo could not believe they were already in the same predicament.

The two men had arrived early, and had inadvertently walked in on a class still in progress. Chanyeol squawked, trying to back up out the door he had just slammed open.

"Oh, hello. Are you here for the open house?"

Kyungsoo looked up at the man in front of him. Tan skin, light brown hair, his eyes twinkling. He had on a red tank top and tight, black leggings. Kyungsoo couldn't help but stare.

"Yeah. We're uh. I think we're early. Or in the wrong room. I'm sorry."

The man in front of him smiled, his nose scrunching up a little.

"Right room, just not quite the right time. You're welcome to stay. We're just finishing some cool down stretches before we go. I'm Jongin, by the way. I'm an owner and instructor here."

Jongin held out his hand, his smile practically blinding Kyungsoo as he moved to return the handshake.

"Kyungsoo. And the giant loud mouth is Chanyeol. We'll see ourselves out."

"No, no! Stay. It's fine."

Chanyeol nodded at Jongin, grabbing Kyungsoo by the shoulder and steering him to the back of the room so they would be out of the way.

Jongin took his place back at the front of the room, calling out instructions while performing the stretches alongside the kids in his class. Kyungsoo wasn't sure what class they had interrupted, until a little girl ran past them on her way out, Pointe shoes in hand.

"This guy teaches ballet?" Chanyeol whispered to Kyungsoo.

But not quiet enough, apparently.

"I do indeed. The basics anyway. It's been a long time since my body has been flexible enough to do anything near elite level. Break your leg once, makes you prioritize things."

Chanyeol blanched immediately.

"You broke a leg? Am I going to break a leg?"

Jongin giggled.

"I did. I doubt you will. I can't guarantee you won't get hurt, but we've never had a broken bone happen here. And we're very proud of that. Yixing and I know when our dancers have had too much. We don't push."

Chanyeol was not appeased in the slightest.

"I don't know how I feel about all this, Soo."

Kyungsoo looked at him. Pointedly.

"You know why we're here. I suggest you make an effort."

Chanyeol gulped.

~

The afternoon flew by as the two owners/instructors performed routines to showcase their talent to the newcomers. Both men sat back in awe, watching the professionals twirl and kick. Neither had seen anyone able to move the way Jongin and Yixing did. It made them both nervous.

At the end of the day, Yixing and Jongin had set up a table for the new dancers to register for classes and ask questions.

Kyungsoo approached the table first, a reluctant Chanyeol trailing along behind him. Jongin smiled wide at them both.

"Any classes pique your interest?"

"Honestly, yes. But we're a little overwhelmed with the process."

"Oh, no problem. We're actually running a special right now. Couples get one class together, and then they each get a choice of solo dance. How does that sound?"

Kyungsoo looked at Chanyeol over his shoulder. The older man shrugged and nodded.

"Great! What can I sign you up for?"

Kyungsoo thought it over.

"Couples dance...tango? And then I want to do the tap class."

"Wonderful choices! How about you, Chanyeol? What do you think?"

"Hip hop? I guess? Seems the least scary."

Jongin practically glowed as he wrote down their selections.

"Good news, guys! I teach all of those classes, so we'll be seeing a lot of each other! Kyungsoo, I'll see you Mondays at 1615 for tap. Chanyeol, hip hop meets Wednesdays at 1700. Tango class is Thursdays at 1930. I'm so glad you're signing up!"

Kyungsoo beamed back at Jongin as they moved out of the line and toward the door. Chanyeol didn't know why, but he felt dread as they left the studio.

~

Kyungsoo showed up for tap class the following Monday a nervous wreck. He had bought tap shoes, and lined his feet with band aids to prevent blisters. He was terrified.

Exercise wasn't his strong suit. About the only time he got his heart rate up was running to catch the train when he woke up late. He was going to make a fool of himself; of that, he was 100% sure.

But he didn't have a choice. He wanted Chanyeol. It would have been hypocritical to force his boyfriend to go outside his comfort zone for them, if he wasn't willing to do the same.

Just then, the door to the room he was pacing around flew open.

"Hello, hello, hello! How are we today?"

Kyungsoo looked around. There were two girls around age 10, and a boy who couldn't have been older than 12 chatting in the corner. Was this it?

"Sehee, Jaein, Jaehwa, good to see you again. Let's all give Kyungsoo a warm welcome!"

In that moment, Kyungsoo could have died. Great. Not only was he the only newbie, the class size was tiny. He had no one to hide behind, and he was double the age of the oldest student. Lovely.

Jongin could sense something was up with Kyungsoo. He approached the man, concern evident on his face.

"Hey. Everything okay?"

The older man looked anywhere but at Jongin. He couldn't believe that three preteens were making him feel this self conscious. How pathetic was that?

"I thought there would be more students. Or older ones. I...I have no experience. I'm really nervous, if I'm being honest."

Jongin took Kyungsoo's right hand in his own, moving his face into Kyungsoo's line of sight, forcing the elder to look him in the eye.

"I understand. It's scary first starting out. But no one is going to judge you in here. Those three are all in their first 6 months of tap. They aren't that far ahead of you. We're all family here. We're going to support you. Get you out of that shell. Okay? Don't worry."

Kyungsoo could no longer hold Jongin's gaze. He instead looked at their hands, still linked and resting over Jongin's heart. Kyungsoo felt his stomach flip.

"Yeah. Okay. I trust you."

~

Chanyeol was waiting at their kitchen table when Kyungsoo got home.

"You're late."

"I had tap today."

"Yeah, at 1615. It's 2045."

"Jongin and I got to talking. Class is cancelled for next Monday because it's his birthday."

"And?"

"So our birthdays are two days apart. Or did you forget?"

"Don't try to change the subject. You talked about your birthdays for 3 hours?"

"No. Not just our birthdays. Lots of things. He seems like a very sweet guy. We walked across the street and grabbed some fried chicken. I didn't expect you to be home, so I didn't think to call."

"So were you going to tell me about this?"

Kyungsoo flinched, then narrowed his eyes at Chanyeol.

"What are you trying to say? Speak plainly."

"Did you fuck him?"

"No. I did not. But would it really bother you if I did?"

Chanyeol stood up from his chair so fast that it clattered to the floor.

"Don't you ever question what I feel for you."

Kyungsoo scoffed.

"This is the most passion I've seen from you in over a year. You're mad at yourself. I'm going to bed."

Chanyeol reached out and grabbed his boyfriend's arm, but Kyungsoo shrugged out of his hold.

"Don't follow me, Park."

~

Chanyeol and Kyungsoo hadn't spoken in two days. They had gone longer than that in their decade long relationship, but never for the reason they had this time. Chanyeol was furious. He gave serious thought to dropping his dance class, but the fire in his veins told him to go. To confront Jongin.

So Chanyeol found himself in the crowded classroom that Wednesday, cheeks already red from the anger bubbling beneath the surface. He glared at Jongin, who, as usual, was bouncing around the room, all smiles. God, Chanyeol hated him.

Jongin excused himself out of a conversation and walked to the front of the class.

"Alright, everyone. Settle down. Today is going to be a bit different. We're going to pair off. It's a dance battle."

Loud whoops and whistles attacked Chanyeol's ears. His anger quickly turned to panic. He couldn't dance, AND he didn't know anyone there. He tried to make eye contact with a few of the older students, but he just got shrugs as each of them pointed to their partner. Chanyeol looked around. He was odd man out. Perfect. He would just get up and leave...

"Where you going?"

Chanyeol whipped around at the feeling of someone gripping his shoulder. He turned to see Jongin looking at him with curiosity.

"Home. I don't have a partner."

"Sure you do. Everyone always does. If there's ever an odd number, I become the partner. So you get me one on one. And on your first lesson. Lucky."

Jongin giggled, pulling Chanyeol back to the group. Chanyeol was seething. Jongin must have done this on purpose. Knew it would be an odd number, that no one would partner up with the new kid. He had caused, quite possibly, the biggest blow up between his boyfriend and him, ever, and here he was, smiling in Chanyeol's face. Chanyeol wasn't a fighter, but he wanted to punch that face off the younger boy's head.

Jongin unhanded Chanyeol once they had rejoined the group. He seemed to miss the rage radiating off his new student.

"Alright, so I'm going to teach loose choreography for both partners. You're not tied to it, but it'll show you the vibe we're going for today. Feel free to make it your own. Let's get started."

~

Chanyeol could feel the blood pumping through his veins. He stared at himself in the mirror, face red, nostrils flared, as he practiced the moves Jongin had outlined for everyone. The song was slightly more aggressive than Chanyeol had expected to hear, and the routine mirrored that intensity. He found all his fear and self consciousness leave his body. It was too perfect.

Each pair was taking their turn showing off their individual dance battle. Everyone was amped up, whooping and clapping, hyping each other up. Jongin and Chanyeol were last. Chanyeol could hardly wait.

The music started, Jongin moving smoothly. He had a fluidity to his movements that Chanyeol would have been fascinated by, if he didn't hate the man so much. He was concentrating so hard on his anger, that he almost missed his cue.

The chorus ended, and it was Chanyeol's turn. He tried to follow the choreography to the best of his ability, gangly limbs making it difficult. He just had to get through this next turn...

The turn that ended in a kick. A kick that Chanyeol aimed directly into Jongin's chest. The instructor was thrown straight backwards into the mirror, which shattered on impact. Chanyeol smirked to himself. Seven years bad luck to the man ruining his relationship.

All his pride immediately drained from him, though, as he took in the scene in front of him. Jongin was sitting on the floor, his left arm in front of his face, blood dripping onto the floor. There was a shard of glass protruding from his forearm.

"Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit."

"Chanyeol. Language. There's kids here."

God. Even bleeding, Jongin was still sunshine and roses.

"Somebody call 911!"

"Dongsung, get the kiddos out of here. Call their parents. They don't need to see this."

Everyone rushed about, trying to give Jongin aid and space. Chanyeol stood there. Feeling incredibly sheepish.

"Hey, if you're not going to help, go home."

"Don't speak to him that way. It was an accident. Chanyeol, I'll be okay. Are you alright?"

Chanyeol couldn't believe this. Not only was it absolutely NOT an accident, now Jongin was still being kind to him, sticking up for him. And Kyungsoo would hear about it, know the truth, and probably kick him out. Great. Just great.

Two paramedics ran into the room, moving toward Jongin.

"Can you stand on your own?"

"I think so. Chanyeol? Can you help me up?"

Jongin looked up into Chanyeol's eyes, honey brown and swimming in tears. Chanyeol blinked at him for a few moments before a firm shove sent him flying Jongin's direction.

"Come with me to the hospital? I would ask Yixing, but he has class right now. I think I've caused enough havoc for today."

It took everything in Chanyeol to not punch Jongin in the face. He had done nothing wrong, and he was only blaming himself. Chanyeol growled in his throat, pushing the younger man to his feet.

"Fine. Let's go."

~

"How long have you been together?"

The question only barely registered in Chanyeol's mind. He had been counting the tubes and wires Jongin was hooked up to in the ambulance. Sixteen. Seemed an awful lot for what happened.

"Huh? Who?"

Jongin smiled.

"Kyungsoo. You guys are very familiar and comfortable with each other. I'm guessing it's been a decent chunk of time?"

"Almost 10 years. Almost half my life."

"That's beautiful. He really loves you. I wish anyone would look at me the way he looks at you."

Chanyeol flinched. What? This guy barely knew either of them. Where did he get off noticing these things, let alone speaking them?

"You talked about me and him at dinner?"

"Not really. You'd have to be blind to not see it. Though, I do sense distance between you. Is that why you're taking lessons?"

"I don't really see how any of this is your business. Nor do I think it's appropriate to discuss, given your current state."

Jongin put up his right hand.

"I'm sorry. You're right."

"God, are you always like this?"

"Like what?"

"Insufferably kind. Nice. Happy. Friendly."

Jongin shifted awkwardly in his seat.

"I guess I am. I just didn't realize it was a bad thing."

Chanyeol threw his hands in the air.

"Oh, my God. Stop talking. Just stop. I feel bad enough as it is, without having the added weight of hating the nicest person I've ever met."

"You...you hate me?"

Chanyeol looked up at Jongin. After everything that had happened today, this exchange is what makes him cry? What is with this guy?

"Yes. I do. Happy? Why should it matter what I feel toward you?"

Jongin lowered his gaze, sniffling.

"It was on purpose, wasn't it?"

"Obviously."

"But why?"

The ambulance slowed to a stop. One of the medics flung the doors open. Standing a few feet away was Kyungsoo.

"That. That's why."


	2. Straight Jacket Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chanyeol's actions have consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so short, but I wanted to get another chapter out, and this contains a natural break, so here it is. Hope you enjoy. As always comments and kudos are greatly appreciated.

Chanyeol hopped down out of the ambulance, not making eye contact with Kyungsoo. He felt he had done what he needed to do, which was accompany Jongin on the ride. It was time to head home.

As he walked out to the street, he chanced a backward glance toward the hospital. Jongin was being unloaded from the ambulance, Kyungsoo coming forward to take his hand. Chanyeol scoffed. Throwing his arm up, he hailed a taxi, threw himself into the cab as it approached the curb, and didn't look back.

~

"I can't believe you came here."

Kyungsoo smiled at the man in the hospital bed.

"Dongsung called me. Said I should head to the hospital. That Chanyeol was coming in an ambulance. He neglected to mention that it wasn't as a patient."

"So why are you still here?"

Kyungsoo took a minute to ponder that question. It didn't exactly make sense for him to still be here. After all, Jongin was waiting to be discharged, his 47 staples covered in a thin gauze. The doctor had been disappointed by the depth of the injury. A shallower cut could have been closed up by super glue, maybe had minimal scarring. Jongin would carry the mark of Chanyeol's actions to his grave. To his credit, he was in surprisingly good spirits.

"I guess I'm still here because in my heart I know that if roles were reversed, you would have stayed with me, too. Not to mention, I feel responsible. Chanyeol's fuck ups are my fuck ups."

"They aren't. Don't punish him too harshly. There's something going on there. With him. I was an easy target."

"It's no excuse ---"

Jongin put up a hand, silencing Kyungsoo.

"Go easy on him. For me."

Kyungsoo sighed to himself before nodding. For Jongin. For Jongin, he could hold back.

~

Chanyeol paced the length of the hallway. Back and forth. Up and down. Left and right. Kyungsoo had gotten home a few hours ago. Walked straight past Chanyeol, sitting at the kitchen table, and into the bedroom. Chanyeol had stayed in his seat, fuming, until his ass was sore. So now, he paced.

Every time he reached the bedroom door, he moved to open it, his hand resting on the doorknob. Then he'd think better of it, walk down to the other end of the hall, and stare at the portrait they had taken on their 5th anniversary. He had red hair. Kyungsoo had on thick glasses. Anyone who looked at that picture could feel their connection, their love. What had happened?

Chanyeol turned on his heel, walking with dangerous purpose toward the bedroom door. This time, with no hesitation, he pushed through it.

"Kyungsoo, I ---"

The words died in his throat. Kyungsoo was sitting at the foot of their bed. Luggage at his side. Chanyeol couldn't read his expression, but he knew the situation was pretty grim.

"For ten years, I have stood beside you. For ten years, I thought there was nothing you could do that would make me walk away from you. But when you stepped out of that ambulance today, I realized that I no longer recognize you. I don't know who you are, or what you've done with my Chanyeol, but he doesn't live here anymore. And I don't want to live here anymore without him."

Kyungsoo looked up at the older man, tears silently streaming down his cheeks. He had promised Jongin to go easy on Chanyeol...and he was. Normally, Kyungsoo would ignore him, or scream at him, or guilt trip him. But not this time. This time, he wasn't going to punish Chanyeol. He was going to punish himself, and walk away from Chanyeol.

"Soo. What do you mean? I'm still me. We just. We've grown up. We're both different. You can't expect me to remain completely unchanged. That's hardly realistic."

"You're not you, though. Even on your worst day, you've never been vindictive. You've never been conniving. You've never been violent. You schemed. You assaulted him. You wounded him, Chanyeol. And not even just physically. I've never seen someone so destroyed by someone's words. Hate? That's not who you are. You don't hate anyone. You always had a million friends, nothing but kind words to say about everyone. Whoever this person is, I have no feeling toward. Whoever has taken over your heart..."

Kyungsoo choked on a sob. He couldn't believe it. He was so disappointed in Chanyeol. If he was honest, he even feared him to some extent now. If he could hurt someone as sweet as Jongin, who was a stranger, what would Chanyeol do to him, knowing him inside and out?

"Kyungsoo. It was an accident. You don't honestly think I meant to slice his arm open, do you?"

"No. I don't. But I know damn well that you meant to at least assert yourself. And you did it in a violent way. Which is repugnant to me at every level. Do you really think that you need to compete with him?"

"You're mine. You stayed with him when you should have chased after me. How do you think that makes me feel?"

Kyungsoo laughed, dry, raspy in his throat.

"I'm not your property, Chanyeol. Nor have you ever been mine. I stayed with him because it's what YOU should have done. One of us needed to make amends for your actions. Right now, I don't really care how you feel. You attacked a kind, gentle soul out of what? Jealousy? There has never been anyone for me but you. You felt threatened by someone treating me with decency? Maybe instead of kicking him, you should kick your own ass and be a better man!"

Chanyeol flinched, backing up flush against the door. Kyungsoo had never spoken to him that way. He didn't like it. But more than that, he didn't like that Kyungsoo was right. Not that he planned on admitting that fact. No, Chanyeol was intent on making things worse.

"I see the way you look at him. You fawn over him. You think he's kind and sweet. He's just manipulating you. No one is that happy all the time. He's hiding something. I'm just trying to protect you."

"No. No, you're not. You're trying to save your own ass. Newsflash, Chanyeol. When you find yourself in a hole, the best course of action is to stop digging."

Chanyeol glared at Kyungsoo. He could feel the heat radiating off himself.

"You want him so bad? Go be with him, then."

"Oh, I'm leaving. But it's not because of Jongin. It's because of you. I want you to know that. This is 100% because of you, this new Chanyeol who only thinks of himself and his job. And you can gather up all your hatred and anger and sleep in the bed you've made. You should be quite warm."

The two men locked eyes for a few moments, before Kyungsoo stood up, gathering his bags. As he made it to the door, brushing past the man who had held his heart for the better part of ten years, he paused.

"If you can make things right with Jongin, maybe, just maybe, there's some hope for you still. He'll make it easy for you, as I don't even think he's mad at you. Probably at home, wondering how to apologize to you."

Chanyeol cracked his knuckles.

"Yeah, he is that good of a person. So to fix things, you'll have to push past your own pride. I'm not holding my breath. Good luck, Park."

Kyungsoo let the door slam shut behind him. Chanyeol flipped the kitchen table over before crumpling to the floor, weeping. He awoke several hours later, still in a ball on the floor. The apartment was dark. Kyungsoo wasn't coming back.


	3. Wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's taken so long to post. I took the story a different way than originally intended. Hope you all enjoy!

Chanyeol awoke barely able to open his eyes, the salt of his tears crusting them almost completely shut. It had been three days already. Although he was up for a promotion, he couldn't bring himself to go into work. Luckily, his request to work from home for the next two weeks had been approved without further explanation. His deadline was set for Sunday evening, which meant he still had time to wallow.

Chanyeol checked his phone, knowing full well that he wouldn't have any texts or calls from Kyungsoo. It had been radio silence since the door swung closed behind him. He had finally moved from the kitchen floor to the couch. Sure, he could have gone to bed, but that room felt off limits. It smelled like Kyungsoo, had the bedsheets he had picked out. Though all physical traces of his boyfriend, or ex boyfriend, no, estranged boyfriend, were gone, his presence loomed there. Chanyeol couldn't bring himself to even step foot in that room.

The same number had been calling him multiple times each day, never leaving him a voicemail. Today, though, there was a text.

"Hi, Chanyeol. It's Jongin. You missed the couple's lesson on Thursday, and I was just wondering if you were planning on continuing class or not. You can find me at the studio this upcoming week, or we can meet up elsewhere to discuss it, if that's easier for you. Hope you're doing fine."

Chanyeol chucked his phone to the coffee table and groaned. Why? Why was Jongin so nice? Because he had won? God, Kyungsoo was probably staying with him. This was so unbelievably unfair.

Wait.

"Did Kyungsoo go to the couple's lesson?"

Chanyeol scrambled to grab his phone. He had to know.

"Jongin. Hi. I don't know what all you know, but Kyungsoo and I are taking some time apart. Can I meet you sometime? For lunch or dinner? I...don't feel like it's appropriate for me to come to the studio. At least not right now. Hope you're healing quickly."

Chanyeol pulled up an email from a coworker, wanting to know about a revision he should have looked at three days ago. He clicked the "mark as unread" button on the email, hoping that he'd remember to check back in. Work would have to wait.

His phone pinged, a new text.

"Oh. I didn't know. Kyungsoo came to the lesson. We waited for you for a bit, and when you didn't show, he asked if we could have a tap lesson instead. I'll meet you today if you're free for lunch?"

Chanyeol replied as fast as his hands could type.

"Meet you at the sandwich shop on the corner by the studio at noon?"

*ping*

"Sounds good."

Chanyeol threw his phone on the floor, watched it skid across the wood. Kyungsoo had still gone to the lesson. He had waited for him. It was all a test, and he'd failed. Miserably. Kyungsoo didn't give second chances. Everyone only got one chance to screw him over, and that was it. Chanyeol dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. He'd blown it.

~

As the water from the shower cascaded down on him, he thought about Kyungsoo's words. How Jongin was the key to fixing this. How Jongin would be the first to reach out. As usual, his boyfriend was right about everything. Kyungsoo knew that Chanyeol would be petulant, wallow in self pity, rather than do anything of import to fix things. And he knew Jongin well enough to know that he would sense something wrong between them, and try to bridge the gap.

Chanyeol wanted to be furious. He was furious. But he had to stop being himself. Needed to look at the bigger picture here. He could hate Jongin until the end of time, but it didn't get him anywhere. It didn't get him Kyungsoo back. Whomever he had turned into, wasn't worthy of Soo's time, and while it pissed him off to admit it, it didn't change the fact that his relationship had slipped through his fingers long before Jongin ever appeared in their lives. He owed the younger boy more than an apology.

"Fuck."

~

The walk to the sandwich shop was chilly, a sharp wind finding its way under Chanyeol's scarf, making his neck about as red as his cheeks. He hated winter. Stepping up onto the curb, he peeked inside the restaurant. Jongin didn't appear to be inside.

Chanyeol flung the door open, the heat smacking him in the face as he wiped his shoes on the mat. This was the part he hated most: freezing to death outside, and melting the second he got inside. Awful.

"Park Chanyeol!"

Jongin was sitting at a center booth, hands waving at the older man, trying to get his attention. Chanyeol flinched at the bandages on the younger man's arm. Guilt crept up his back. He nodded and walked over.

"Cold out today, huh?"

"Yeah. It's the worst."

"I love winter. Christmas. New Year's. My birthday."

"Oh, yeah. Your birthday's coming up, right? It's right after Kyungsoo's."

"Yeah. Two days after. Two days from today."

Chanyeol closed his eyes, trying to keep himself calm. This was the first birthday in over a decade that he hadn't spent with Kyungsoo. The days since his boyfriend had left had melded together. He had lost track of what day it was. His heart clenched, like someone had wrapped their fist around it. It hurt.

"You okay?"

"Huh? Oh. Sure. Just cold. Sorry."

"We'll get you some tea. Warm you right up. I was thinking of getting a hot chocolate. Do you know what you want? I'll go order."

Chanyeol finally snapped back to the conversation. He looked at the man in front of him, a small smile on his lips, warmth behind his eyes. He shook his head.

"No, lunch is on me. What would you like? I'll take care of it. You don't need to be using your arm anymore than you have to."

Chanyeol could see the small wince as Jongin touched his bandages.

"It's really not so bad. I can still teach most of my classes. The doctors say I'm a fast healer, that the staples should be able to come out in a week or two."

"That's great news. You're going to scar pretty badly, though, aren't you?"

Jongin reached for the salt shaker in front of him, giving it an spin, little crystals flying out as it toppled over. He quickly scooped up the salt into his hand. Chanyeol could sense he felt bad for making even the tiniest mess.

"Yeah. But hey. Your cells all die and regenerate every seven years, so it'll fade with time. Like all things tend to do."

Chanyeol sniffed. He had mutilated the man sitting across from him, and that man was trying to make him feel better about the situation. He was fairly certain he couldn't feel any lower if he tried.

"Jongin. I cannot express how truly sorry I am about what happened the other day. You didn't deserve any of it. You...you were an easy target, and blaming you was easier than accepting the blame myself, and I--"

Jongin reached out, both of his hands finding Chanyeol's and holding tight.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, and if you want to discuss it privately, that's fine. We can do that. But here, right now, isn't the time. You can tell me whatever you need to later. The important thing is that I forgive you, okay? Come on. Let's go order."

Jongin tugged on Chanyeol's hands, pulling him out of the booth and toward the counter. They walked that way, hand in hand. Chanyeol felt awkward about it, but didn't move to pull away. Jongin smiled at him, his thumb rubbing circles across Chanyeol's skin. Jongin was warm, in every sense of the word. Chanyeol slowly began to realize that everything ugly he had thought about the younger boy just simply wasn't true. Jongin lacked the capacity to be anything but kind and gentle. The negative qualities Chanyeol had projected onto him were all things he hated about himself. Kyungsoo was right. Chanyeol had changed...and he was appalled that he'd just now realized it.

"Jongin? Can we make our orders to go? I need to talk to you. And I can't do it here."

"I have plans this afternoon, Chanyeol. Can it wait? I mean, I'll cancel if I need to, but can it wait?"

Chanyeol sighed. His guilty conscience was affecting too many people now. God, when did he become so fucking selfish?

"It can wait."

~

Jongin had promised to meet Chanyeol after dinner if the older boy would come to him. Chanyeol had agreed immediately. He was curious about where the younger boy came from. What his house would look like.

Chanyeol didn't recognize the address Jongin gave him. He wasn't even sure where the neighborhood was that it was in. It was becoming clear why Jongin had been surprised that Chanyeol had agreed. His place wasn't in the city. Wasn't even close to the city.

When he pulled up outside the house, even more questions appeared in his mind. He texted Jongin to let him know he had arrived. Not ten seconds later, the younger man was outside, making his way to Chanyeol's car.

"You found it. Great."

Jongin flung Chanyeol's car door shut, motioning for him to come inside. The porch was tiny, the stairs probably older than time itself, worn in where people had stepped over the years.

Both men kicked their shoes off at the door, sliding slippers on instead as they made their way toward what Chanyeol assumed was the kitchen. There, he found an elderly woman sitting at the kitchen table. She was peeling potatoes, though Chanyeol wasn't sure how she was accomplishing her task, as her hands were warped with arthritis.

"Chanyeol, this is my grandmother. Grandma, my friend, Chanyeol."

She nodded at him, the only bow she could manage in her old age, and Chanyeol returned it, going far beyond 90 degrees. When he straightened back up, she was smiling at him.

"Your parents taught you manners. You don't need them here. Be comfortable."

Chanyeol nodded, suppressing the urge to bow again, and looked at Jongin. The younger boy seemed amused by their interaction, chuckling as he diced up a carrot.

"Make yourself useful, honey. The rice won't cook itself."

Chanyeol turned back to Jongin's grandmother, who pointed over at the countertop. Everything in the house, except him and Jongin, was at least 50 years old. But not the rice cooker. That was new. And luckily, the same one Chanyeol had at home. He got to work.

They all chatted through dinner prep and the meal itself, Jongin and Chanyeol offering to do the dishes, but Grandma having none of it.

"You boys go have fun. Life is short. Too short to do the dishes. Go."

Chanyeol had tried to stay behind, but she had swatted him so fiercely with a dish towel that he finally gave up, following Jongin to a small room at the back of the house.

"Your grandma is tough."

"Yes. She's angry with me most days that I've moved in here with her. Thinks I'm trying to babysit her. I just like being with her."

"How old is she?"

"88. And she'll still kick your ass. After Grandpa died, and my father a few years later, I knew she was lonely. So was I. So about six months ago, I moved back. She was furious. Told me I'm throwing my future away for old bones."

"And you disagree?"

"Of course. Would it be easier to run the studio without riding the bus for two hours every morning and every night? Sure. But Yixing takes care of what he can, and I can stay in the city with him if I need to. I'm not throwing anything away by being with her. You only regret the time you don't spend."

Chanyeol nodded. It was all he could do. So much about Jongin made sense now. Of course, he was the person he was. Someone raised in a close knit family like this would have no choice but to be warm and kind and thoughtful. It hurt his heart to realize maybe that's why he'd been so up his own ass lately. He hadn't been home except for Chuseok in years. And that was more of an inconvenience than anything.

"I see why you stay. I like it here. It's cozy."

Jongin smiled big.

"It's nice having you here. You're welcome anytime."

They stayed up late into the night, talking about everything and nothing all at the same time. Neither touched the subject they had initially planned to discuss. It was too heavy. That was a Seoul problem. Out here, it didn't exist. Out here, it could wait.

~

Chanyeol had every intention of leaving the next morning, but when it came down to it, he found himself making excuses as to why he couldn't go just yet. They still needed to do those dishes. There was laundry to fold. The recycling needed sorted. By then, it was lunch time. Jongin asked Chanyeol if he wanted to walk down to the market to pick up a few things for the week. They got ice cream, prioritizing sweets over substance like little kids.

"Why did we get ice cream when it's winter?"

Jongin scoffed.

"I hold two things in this life to be true: 1. It is never too hot for soup. 2. It is never too cold for ice cream."

Chanyeol laughed at the solemnity in Jongin's voice. He really meant everything he said, was careful about phrasing it. A gentle, but passionate soul. Chanyeol was exhausted just being around him. He thought back to the night before, how he had asked Jongin how he does it. It wasn't the response he was expecting.

"It costs you nothing to be decent, Chanyeol. It costs me nothing to be kind, put others first, see things from their side. The reason you feel drained, is because you only think of yourself. You're used to getting your own way. The things you think are struggles are minor inconveniences. Your spirit is tired. That's why you can't understand the way I live my life. Because you still look at it from your own perspective instead of mine."

Chanyeol had stayed up for a while after that statement, Jongin rolling over and soon nodding off. He may have been younger, but he was certainly wiser than Chanyeol could ever hope to be. And he even had the decency to not be cocky about it.

"Hey, I'm not kicking you out. By any means. But there's only one more bus this afternoon. They don't run into the night on Sundays."

"I drove here, Jongin."

Jongin smacked his own forehead.

"I'm an idiot. I've never had a car. I'm so used to the bus, that I forget not everyone is bound by it. Forget I said anything."

Chanyeol smiled. Jongin really did have everyone's best interest at heart.

"You've never had a car? Wait. Do you know how to drive?"

Jongin kicked the toe of his shoe into the ground. He shook his head, slightly embarrassed.

"Well, I know what we're doing this afternoon."

~

"Jongin, get in. It's an automatic! It's not even like you have to shift. Come on. You can do this!"

Jongin had been pacing the driver's side of Chanyeol's car for the past 10 minutes, debating on whether or not this was a good idea. He had decided, firmly, that it was a very bad idea, given that Chanyeol's car cost more than his grandmother's house. The older boy wasn't having it.

"I have been driving for years. Never had even a speeding ticket. I am a model driver. Under my care, you will be, too."

"Chanyeol, this is highly illegal. I don't have a license, or a permit, or insurance. I doubt the cops will care about your driving record when we get pulled over."

"What cops? Do you even have a police station in this neighborhood?"

"There's one 25 minutes from here. Which means they could get here really fast if they floored it! And they can! They have lights and sirens!"

Chanyeol was rolling in the passenger seat, tears streaming down his face. Jongin may have been about to turn 24, but he was a 6 foot tall 4 year old in that moment. Arms crossed, bottom lip jutted out, all excitable energy and worry. Precious.

"Kim Jongin, get your butt in the car!"

"Grandma!"

"Do it! You're a man. You should know how to drive!"

"Then you're coming with us!"

"Oh, no. I value my life. Thank you."

A new, high pitched whine left Jongin's mouth, as he finally sat down in the driver's seat.

~

"Alright. Adjust your seat and mirrors. Make yourself comfortable. No sense teaching you to drive if you can't see or reach the pedals."

"You're not that much taller than I am."

"It's not about height. Adjust. Come on."

Jongin scooted the seat slightly forward, tweaking the mirrors a little, too.

"Okay. So. Behind your steering wheel, you've got your turn signals on the left. Down is left. Up is right. The lever on the right is your windshield wipers. Hopefully, we don't need them today. Center console is where you shift gears. So, press the brake down with your right foot, and shift into drive."

Jongin hesitantly pressed down on the pedal, hearing the car rev.

"Oh, my God! What's happening?!"

"You're on the accelerator. You want the big pedal to the left of it."

"Why can't I use both feet?"

"Because we're not driving a stick. You don't need both feet."

"We're gonna die."

"At least there isn't snow on the ground. Alright, push the brake, pop it into drive."

Jongin pushed the brake, slowly shifting into gear.

"Alright. Let off the brake. Just let the car idle forward a bit. It's going to feel like you're really moving, but you're not. If you get freaked out, just brake, okay?"

Jongin nodded. He stepped off the brake, and the car began to creep forward. They weren't even going three miles per hour, but to Jongin, it may as well have been 300.

"Chanyeol! It's too fast!"

"Okay. Brake then."

Except Jongin didn't brake. No. He floored it.

The car screeched to life as Jongin inadvertently accelerated, going from a mere crawl to 45mph in about two seconds. Jongin took his hands off the steering wheel to cover his eyes. He was screaming.

"Jongin! Look at the road! Brake! For the love of God! Brake!"

Chanyeol leaned over, grabbing the wheel to steer, but Jongin's foot was still firmly pressed to the accelerator. They were doing 60mph through a residential neighborhood. If the cops existed, they were definitely getting a ticket.

"Jongin. Brake. Please. We don't have to do this. Just move your foot a little to the left. You can do it."

If the speed in which they accelerated was jarring, the speed in which they stopped was downright shocking. Both their seatbelts locked, keeping them from flying forward through the windshield as they came to a hard stop.

Chanyeol shifted them into park, unclicking his seatbelt, and launching himself at the younger boy.

"Are you alright? Are you hurt? Look at me, Jongin."

Jongin slowly removed his hands from his face. Tears had formed at the corners of his eyes, but hadn't quite spilled over yet. Chanyeol could see him shaking.

"I'm okay. Can we switch seats, please?"

"Of course."

Chanyeol unclicked Jongin's seatbelt, and moved to get out of the car. Jongin's hand suddenly reached out to Chanyeol.

"In a minute. Just. In a minute."

They sat there, Jongin's hand in Chanyeol's, eyes locked on each other, for way longer than a minute.

~

When Chanyeol was finally able to switch seats with Jongin, he had figured the younger boy would want to go straight home. Instead, Jongin asked if he would drive them around for a little bit. It had been ages since he'd been in a personal car, as when he wasn't on the bus, he walked. The ambulance ride didn't count in his estimation.

Chanyeol had no idea where he was, but he wasn't worried. Jongin lead him through the neighborhoods, pointing out tiny shops and the houses of his school teachers, his face lighting up as he spoke about his childhood. Chanyeol smiled to himself as he drove, envious that Jongin had so many ties here. He had none in Seoul, hardly knew where anything was, relying on his car or phone's GPS for even the shortest trips.

It was dark before they decided to head back. They had meandered relatively deep into the country. He knew he should head back to the city; the piles of work he had been ignoring, the deadlines he had missed, all could be salvaged if he went home now. But when Jongin asked him to stay for dinner, and when he asked him to stay the night, since it had begun to snow, Chanyeol didn't hesitate to say yes.

~

"Jongin. Jongin, wake up!"

The younger man rolled over, unwilling to open his eyes.

"What, Chanyeol?"

"It's midnight. Happy Birthday."


	4. Surrender the Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy cow. It's been so long since I've written this story. I apologize. I have known where I wanted it to go for ages, but had no idea how to get it there. Hopefully, this chapter helps. Thank you to anyone that still takes the time to read this.

Chanyeol felt arms around him as he awoke, curling deeper into the embrace, the warmth of the person next to him. But the embers quickly extinguished when he realized that the hold he was in wasn't Kyungsoo's. He turned his head slowly, careful to not disturb the sleeping man next to him.

Jongin's face was serene, lips puffed out in a slight pout, gentle snores breaking the silence of the room. As Chanyeol tried to scoot away from him, Jongin's arms only gripped him tighter, his eyebrows forming a subconscious knit as the elder shied away.

How long had they been laying like that? Chanyeol tried not to read too far into it. They were sharing a tiny bed. It was the middle of January. Naturally, they would gravitate to each other in their sleep for warmth. It wasn't a big deal.

And yet, he couldn't banish the blush from his cheeks, couldn't pull his gaze from Jongin's face. Guilt swirled deep in his stomach, the final push he needed to get up from the bed, put space between them. The urge to flee conflicted with the lead in his limbs. He breathed out, rough, louder than intended.

Jongin began to stir next to him, slow to greet the day. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, gave a full body stretch, felt his vertebrae click into place. Flipping over, he leeched all the heat out of his blankets before finally opening one eye in Chanyeol's direction.

"What time is it?"

Chanyeol grabbed his phone from the bedside table.

"08:23."

Jongin's eyes bulged in terror.

"Oh, God, I'm late. I'm so late."

As he scrambled out of the bed, trying desperately to get himself ready in nanoseconds, Chanyeol stood there, a smirk on his face. He was still working from home. He had all the time in the world.

"What time do you usually leave?"

"I take the 05:30 bus."

"Well, shit. You really are late."

"I'm...pardon my language...completely fucked."

Chanyeol giggled. He was pretty sure he'd never heard Jongin curse before, and he'd picked a good one to start.

"No. You don't get it. There's not another bus until 09:15, and it has extra stops. It will take me three and a half hours to get into the city, and I have a meeting at 11:00."

Chanyeol caught Jongin by the shoulders, keeping him from face planting as he attempted to kick a leg through his pants.

"I have a car? It'll be tight, but I can get you there."

"What?"

"I'm heading back to Seoul today. Why would I make you ride the bus?"

Jongin hadn't even thought of asking Chanyeol for a ride. The thought never registered in his mind.

"I--thank you."

"Well, let's move, then."

Jongin looked down at his feet.

"Oh. Right...right."

~

The ride back to Seoul was almost silent. The conversation that had been so easy out in the country seemed to escape both men, Chanyeol's eyes on the road, Jongin's out the passenger side window. Creeping closer to the city, all the bitterness and uncertainty found its way back to them. Chanyeol finally settled on what he hoped was a safe topic.

"What classes would you normally have today?"

Jongin turned to face him as he answered.

"Flamenco, ballet, and tap."

Chanyeol's heart clenched in his chest. Kyungsoo had told him there would be no tap lesson today, that Jongin had cancelled because it was his birthday. Of all the questions he could have asked, of course, he picked one that reminded him of Soo.

"Oh. Right. What's your meeting about?"

"Finding a replacement for Yixing for a bit. He has business to attend to in China."

"Everything okay, I hope?"

"Oh, he's fine. Just helping a friend. It's going to be hard to replace him, though. We've never taken a break since we started. I'm only realizing now just how much I lean on him."

Chanyeol smiled.

"I'm glad you have a friend like that. Someone who's always there."

"He's my family. Has been for a long time."

Chanyeol had asked the question before his mind could register what his mouth had done.

"You guys ever date?"

Chanyeol's hands flew over his mouth, the steering wheel completely abandoned halfway through a left turn. He slammed on the brakes to keep from hopping the curb.

"I don't know why I asked you that. It's none of my business."

Jongin reached his left hand out to place on top of Chanyeol's right. The elder made brief eye contact. He was relieved to find the younger man's face looking amused, rather than offended.

"Oh, God, no. Xing has been basically married since he was a teenager. He's only ever had eyes for Baekhyun. It's really sweet. Reminds me of--"

Jongin cut himself off, turning back to the window. Chanyeol flipped his right hand over, giving Jongin's left a squeeze.

"Reminds you of what?"

"I was going to say that...it reminds me of the way Kyungsoo looks at you."

"The way he used to look at me."

Chanyeol looked across the space of the front end of the car, Jongin eventually turning back to face him. When their eyes met, the only thing Chanyeol could see through his tears, were the tears slipping down Jongin's face.

~

Chanyeol dropped Jongin off at the studio with seven minutes to spare. He'd never been more grateful for a car ride to be over.

"Thanks for your help."

"Sure. Anytime. Hey. Um, are you doing anything special today? Later on?"

Jongin smiled to himself.

"I'm having lunch with a friend, and then my grandma is going to make dinner for me. It's a very special day."

"Oh, well, good. Happy Birthday, Jongin."

"Thanks, Chanyeol."

~

Kyungsoo waited at the fried chicken shop down the street from the studio. Jongin's meeting had run over, but he wasn't in any hurry. He sat, reading a newspaper as the minutes ticked by.

When the bell on the door chimed, Kyungsoo met eyes with a rather frazzled looking Jongin. He smiled wide.

"I'm so sorry I'm late. This whole Yixing thing is...a mess. Baekhyun cried through the entire meeting. I don't know why he was even there."

Jongin threw himself into the booth, forehead against the table. Today had been a day, and it was barely 13:00.

"Don't worry so much. It'll all work out. Happy Birthday."

Jongin finally lifted his head. He smiled back at Kyungsoo. Something about the elder's voice just demanded to be believed. If he didn't think Jongin should stress about it, he wouldn't.

"Did you order? I could eat the entire menu, I think."

"I got you your regular order. We can always get more."

Jongin beamed.

"We're definitely getting more."

~

After eating twice what they normally did, they leaned back in their seats, bellies full but not in an uncomfortable way. Jongin still had grease on his face. Kyungsoo threw him a napkin before speaking.

"So. You saw him?"

Jongin couldn't bear to look up. He knew that Kyungsoo's eyes were pinning him to his seat, cornering him.

"I really think you should talk to him."

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes.

"There's nothing to say."

Jongin threw the napkin back at Kyungsoo.

"Ten years, and there's nothing to say? I don't believe it for a second."

Kyungsoo twirled the napkin in his fingers, breaking tiny pieces off as he stewed. Of course, there was plenty to say. That didn't mean it needed to be said, and it certainly didn't mean that he was going to be the one to facilitate the interaction.

"Okay. Fine. _I_ have nothing to say. Has he even apologized to you?"

"Yes. We haven't...hashed it all out, but yes. He's very sorry."

Kyungsoo cracked his neck. It wasn't enough. Overused words to try to heal permanent, physical damage? Please.

"I wonder if he's sorry that he hurt you, or if he's sorry that it fucked everything up for him."

Jongin sighed.

"If I've let it go, why can't you? He means next to nothing to me. You've loved him for practically half your life."

"That's exactly why I can't forgive him, Jongin. Because I know who he was, and I know who he's become. And I want the old Chanyeol back."

"You really can't be naive enough to think you're the same Kyungsoo that he fell for ten years ago."

Kyungsoo crossed his arms. Of course, he'd changed some. But the fundamentals of his character were still intact, which was more than he could say for Chanyeol.

"I know it's not my place, and I'm phrasing it harshly because I want you to know how serious I am. You're gonna fuck around and lose him for good, Soo. Is that what you really want?"

"I know what I'm doing, Jongin."

~

Kyungsoo left the restaurant feeling lower than he'd expected to. He shouldn't have brought up Chanyeol. Or...he should have at least waited until Jongin brought him up to talk about him.

Guilt sat heavy in his stomach. Jongin knew nothing of what had happened between the two of them, what Kyungsoo had said to Chanyeol about him. He hadn't set out to make Jongin a pawn, yet here he was. It wasn't fair. But he wasn't ready. Wasn't sure he'd ever be ready to try to work things out.

Jongin's words tumbled over and over in his mind. He didn't want to lose Chanyeol for good. The love he had for the elder, nothing could erase that. Being away from home made him feel empty, like his heart had caved in. Was he being petty? Stupid? To let the love of his life just...walk away.

Kyungsoo grabbed his phone, opened the text he had been ignoring for a few days now.

*Happy Birthday, Soo. Hope you have a great day. I miss you. All my love.*

He read it over and over again until he couldn't see through his tears. Maybe Jongin was right.

~

Chanyeol woke up to a text. When he saw who it was from, he dropped his phone on his face.

*We paid for lessons, so we may as well use them. I'll see you on Thursday. Don't be late.*

He slapped himself across the face a few times, making sure he was awake, exited his messages, reopened the text, read it again. Nope. He wasn't dreaming; Kyungsoo had actually texted him.

Chanyeol fired off a confirmatory text, not wanting to push his luck with the younger man. After waiting a few minutes for a response, he accepted that one probably wasn't going to come through, and he called up the only person he could think of to celebrate: Jongin.

~

Jongin had agreed to meet Chanyeol Wednesday night for dinner. Chanyeol spent the rest of Tuesday and Wednesday morning working, trying to desperately make up for lost time. He didn't regret his time away from the city, but he couldn't say, on any account, that he had been acting responsibly. Page after page, Chanyeol dug through every article that had been sent to him, editing until he felt like his eyes were either going to start bleeding, or actually turn to dust in their sockets. When his stomach began growling at just after 11:00, he set his laptop onto the coffee table. He walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge, and cursed.

There was nothing. Kyungsoo normally took care of the grocery shopping and cooking. He hadn't even thought about it, hadn't felt hungry since the younger man had left.

_Good thing I checked. I'd be serving Jongin moldy leftovers and saltines._

Chanyeol shuffled out of the kitchen, slipped his feet into his sneakers, and scrambled out the door to go shopping.

~

Chanyeol was finishing setting the table when he heard a knock at the door. Jongin, ever punctual, was right on time.

"Door's open!"

Chanyeol laid a knife and fork at his place at the table, then walked the few feet to the front door. Jongin was standing there in pink socks, playing with his fingers. Chanyeol could see how awkward Jongin felt.

"Hey. You found it okay?"

"Oh, yeah. God bless Google Maps, huh?"

Chanyeol smiled, nodding his head. He walked up to Jongin, and without thinking, unzipped his coat and slid it off Jongin's shoulders. It was something he had done thousands of times with Kyungsoo in the past, and his muscles moved on memory. It was only when he turned back from the closet after hanging up Jongin's coat to see the blush settling on the younger man's cheeks, that he even realized what he'd just done.

"I--God. I'm sorry. That was weird. I shouldn't have done that. I--"

"No, no. That's okay. It's not like I was going to wear it through dinner. Don't--"

Chanyeol ran his hand through his hair, which made it stick up on end. He watched Jongin raise a hand, think better of it, and drop it back down to his side. Chanyeol took a deep breath and finally snapped out of it.

"Well, come on. Better sit down soon. I don't want your food to get cold."

Jongin nodded, waiting for a few moments longer before following Chanyeol over to the table. It wasn't much, but Chanyeol could make basic things. Steak and potatoes weren't difficult. Jongin sat down at the place Chanyeol had set for him at the opposite end of the table. Chanyeol took his seat with a heavy heart, his eyes focused on the space that Kyungsoo would normally occupy. He was grateful when Jongin broke the silence.

"This is lovely, Chanyeol. Thank you."

The elder picked up his knife and fork, motioning to Jongin to do the same. The younger man smiled, but made no move to start eating.

"It will continue to be awkward between us until we talk about it, you know."

Chanyeol put his fork through a potato and brought it to his mouth, desperate for a few more seconds to collect his thoughts. He had so much he wanted to say. There was so much he _needed_ to say, but everything just got so jumbled up in his mind.

"I guess I should start at the beginning."

Jongin reached for his utensils, his face soft, eyes warm. Chanyeol felt immediately comforted, which made the next words a little easier to speak into existence.

"We...we had become roommates, Kyungsoo and I. Just two people that happened to share an address, rather than a home. I suppose that's my fault. I...I let my job turn me into...I don't know. I became a stranger to myself and to him. I didn't mean for it to end up this way. I wanted to work hard to make a life for us, but all I've done is make Soo want a life that doesn't have me in it."

Jongin took a breath, was about to speak, but Chanyeol cut him off.

"I don't blame him. For any of it. He tried so hard. And it annoyed me. Christ, Jongin. It _annoyed_ me that he loved me enough to want to fix something he didn't help break. That's why we came to your studio. Did you know that? Dancing, a couple's activity. To try to make it exciting again. To get me to touch him again. When did I stop touching him? When did I stop _needing_ his touch?"

Jongin reached for his wine glass. He swallowed a big gulp, his eyes on his plate. Not knowing what to say, he cut into his steak, let Chanyeol continue.

"So we went to the open house. I saw it immediately. The way his eyes lit up as he watched you move. His fascination. And I hated you. God, I hated you. I don't even know if Kyungsoo was even aware of it, but he eyed you the way he used to...when we were younger...like he needed to be near you, to breathe the same air. Close."

"Chanyeol, I--"

Chanyeol held up a hand, his eyes unfocused as he dug into his memory. He needed to get it all out, to purge his system. He could _not_ let Jongin derail his train of thought.

"I knew in that moment that he was mine to lose. That if I wasn't careful, he would learn that there was more, something better out there. So I had to hurt you. Because it hurt me. Jongin, it didn't have to be you. It could have been anyone. But...I wouldn't blame him, if it were you."

"I don't understand."

Chanyeol closed his eyes. A few tears trickled down his face. He wiped his right hand under his chin to collect them.

"You have no idea how wonderful you are. You are so full of light, of hope. Everything I used to be, and everything I could ever strive to be. Of course, Kyungsoo would see it. Only a fool would miss it. Jongin, if I were you, we wouldn't be sitting here. I would never have forgiven you. Not in a million years. But you, you forgave me before I even apologized. It comes so naturally to you. So easily."

Jongin shook his head.

"It doesn't come easily to me. Nothing in my life has been easy, and especially not now that the two of you are in it. You cannot even begin to imagine how complicated you have made things for me."

Jongin pushed away from the table, and Chanyeol realized that this was the first time he had ever seen the younger man angry. Even his anger was soft, gentle. It was more alarming than Kyungsoo's rage. He stood up from the table, no feeling in his legs, and called out to the younger man.

"Jongin, wait. Don't go."

Jongin was already at the door, shoving his arms through his coat sleeves and his feet into his shoes. He looked up briefly at the elder as he rounded the corner, powerless to stop him.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Don't be late."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Points to anyone that knows what the chapter title means.
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/KmsmittyA?s=09)


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